


Fleeting Flashbacks & Little Words

by wyvernqueen



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 17:21:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4795859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyvernqueen/pseuds/wyvernqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Touken Oneshot, mainly centered on Touka.  She's known so much pain, for so long.  Distant memories run through her mind as Sasaki finally remembers who she is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fleeting Flashbacks & Little Words

**Author's Note:**

> Touken shipper, here. I had fun writing this just because I liked exploring through Touka's pain - when you think about it, you really feel bad for her, having misfortune after misfortune. That, and what if Sasaki remembered? She's much more vulnerable in this piece than I consider her to be normally, so I hope to write some more oneshots soon where Kaneki's the one who has to depend on her. C:

The first memories are just that. Fleeting. They are covered in the haze of time, like a distant dream that felt a world away. Touka remembered a little girl holding hands with her little brother and her smiling father who always liked reading them bedtime stories at night. She would get scared, but dad would always say it would be okay. Not only did he protect her, but Ayato would always be there for her, too. It made Touka happy enough to doze off to sleep under the covers, knowing that no monster was ever going to get them. It wouldn't last.

He didn't come home one day. They waited. The clock ticked on earnestly as they waited for father to come home and ask them what they had played with today. Each subtle tick of the clock only drove their anxiety wilder. The clock hit midnight, and a clear sound rang through the house. A little boy wanted his father so much that he began to cry. But he never came home. His older sister next to him would cuddle her little brother in her grasp and tell them that they had to go out and find food, like Daddy used to do. They couldn't sit around forever. They had to be strong, like he had always told them. That little girl was six years old.

Despair. Touka had felt it before, but it never felt so real until now. Ayato left. He told her that she was weak, spat on the floor, and stormed out. She was angry too, but the moment she had realized he had been serious, she burst outside onto the streets of Tokyo and went searching for him. It didn't work. Her little brother had left her, with no intention of coming back. Touka collapsed on her bed that night from exhaustion and remembered wiping away a lone tear. She had to be strong for herself now. Ayato decided she wasn't important enough anymore.

Weak. That Ghoul laying in front of her on the concrete, refusing to eat flesh, was weak. Weak like Father, weak like Ayato, weak like herself. She would never say it out loud, but his desperation, no matter how much she taunted him, was equal to that of her own. Touka didn't think it would matter. But soon, she would come to realize that the human turned ghoul with his soft eyes and vibrant freckles would matter the most out of them all.

A mother died today. Anger flooded through her veins, consuming her whole being. They had taken Hinami's mother away from her just like they had taken her father. Touka was out for revenge, and out to kill. Yoshimura told her that revenge was never the right answer. She would only realize the truth of his words when a man's blood was on her hands, and all she could see was a single ring on his finger as he slumped against the wall, limp. The only reassurance she had was that Kaneki had stood by her, and that he might have understood.

Touka wasn't sure if she was saving him or trying to save herself. That chapter of her life was a mixed series of emotions. A big sister fought a little brother to the death in a scenario that shouldn't have happened. Kaneki was the one to save her, cradling her in his arms and giving her beaten face a soft look, as if saying that she shouldn't have pushed herself so far. He did what she couldn't do to someone connected to her by blood, and dished out her pain to him personally. It took a while for her to realize that Kaneki wasn't just the rookie who constantly grinded on her nerves, and this was the moment she finally understood. He left too soon for her to say anything, promising that he'd be back. She didn't understand, but she tried to believe in him.

Her best friend asked her what was wrong. Touka couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't drink, running over the events from last night in her mind over and over again. She dropped her textbook in the middle of the library, once. Clumsy. That's how she could describe herself. Clumsy, and foolish, and so, so _stupid_ -

How could she say those things to him? She didn't mean it. She wanted him back. She wanted him home. It appears every attempt to bring Kaneki Ken closer to her just ends up pushing him further away.

It's been three years. She's heard it over and over again. "He's dead," they'd say, "He's dead, Touka, Kaneki is _dead_." Hinami is with Ayato and everything is okay but yet _isn't_ because all she remembers is how Kaneki gave her her life back and disappeared, just because she couldn't put her feelings into words. Yomo understands her, helps her cope with the pain. Nishiki doesn't bicker with her like they used to. Anteiku is lonely. Kaneki is dead. Dead and gone. And somehow, without him, the world can't seem to stand up straight.

He walks into her coffee shop. Something leaps in Touka's chest, begs to be heard, words of all different shapes and sizes she wanted to get out for years. Things like 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry for being an idiot and chasing you away, but I wanted you back the moment you left.' Things like 'I miss you', and 'Come home, _please_ '. Before she can think of what to say or what to do, her eyes meet his and she realizes by the the blank stare he gives her that this was not a Kaneki Ken who remembered her at all. Something lumps up in her throat and she swallows back her hesitation, smiling as she served him like any other waitress. He is alive. She has that, at the very least. Yomo tells her that this Sasaki Haise is a Dove. She says that she knows, and secretly wishes he could have been anything but that.

Pain courses through her body, ripping her from the inside out. She's broken. She's broken and hurt and lost, because whatever pieces she has left behind keeps on getting stolen from her time and time again. Sasaki stops. He stops and brings her close to her chest, lets her bask in his warmth as she's shaking. Each breath is short and sporadic, unable to keep this fake persona up for any longer. He leans closer and whispers in her ear with a warm voice before he lets her nuzzle in the crook of his neck.

"Everything's going to be okay, Touka. I know who you are. I'm not going to leave you."

She doesn't know why she would believe him, but for some reason, she has the energy to. She was a broken ghoul, and he was a broken human, who made two halves of a whole. Pain still haunted her, but he made her believe it could be better. If she could keep Kaneki, Touka thought that maybe, that would be enough. The world could burn around her, and she'd still have someone to keep it from turning upside down.


End file.
